Lewis Returns

The beauty of journaling is that you can look back and reread your thoughts. Then read between the lines of your thoughts and your heart. What were you feeling, thinking, saying? More importantly what was God saying back. (Don't worry, if you don't believe in God, it can just as easily be the collective universe, that power greater than yourself, or even your inner being, the intuition we can all listen closer too.)

As I prepared to visit with Lewis 'off the dock', I felt we could both be honest of what it was we were each seeking, if anything. I wanted to get a sense of the man outside of the fish bowl of the community we had both been a part of for so many years, neutral ground. He agreed to meet me at a wine storage facility that I had become a member of. It was quiet but had beautiful surroundings outside of the cool storage locker area, a full kitchen and comfy seating. Very neutral as seldom was anyone even there, and sure enough we had the place to ourselves. I had come directly from work. This was probably not fair to Lewis as I dressed to the nines and 5 inch heels. Not the dock attire of flip flops, shorts and a tank.

He was so kind as to bring two beautiful bottles of wine. Lewis is a generous soul by nature. Sterling Oak and Caymus. Far more expensive than I could spend, but I accepted graciously and promised we would drink them together. I was kicking off my 5 day vacation for Thanksgiving. I brought out a bottle of Raymond and had my bose speaker playing lounge music in the back ground.

I tuned in and wanted to learn all about the trip he enjoyed in the BVI with the other couples. He brought out a hoodie he had bought as a souvenir and I accepted it graciously. I was relaxed listening to him, on solid ground, my legs crossed, navy blue suede pumps and I felt my openness and feminine prowess grow in power over him. This was not intentional but apparently it was intimidating.

Lewis was fidgety, and I observed him sitting on both his hands at times like a young boy at Catholic School, almost a frightened countenance. I wondered why he was so different than the man I knew from the lake. To help him relax I adjusted my posture to be more relaxed and open. This has served me well in my career of sales.

I was radiant and inviting like a warm bath to a dusty soul. I told him we needed to have a little talk about his invitation to begin seeing one another. "What are your expectations?"

Lewis answered, "I like it! I'm ready."

I explained the reason I asked "I'm not looking for a casual relationship. I do not see more than one man at a time. It's not that I'm asking for a commitment prematurely, but if casual is what you want I'm not that girl." That sounded awfully hypocritical of me since I jumped into bed with him not even two weeks ago very casually. But to continue on I needed to set the groundwork, and make my expectations known. I did not want to throw my precious years to someone who was not worthy. I also told him I did not want him to suffer negatively because of all the gossip surrounding me and my previous break up. The rumor mills had created a terrible situation and the man still hung out with the low life group of East Dock, boat bitches, swingers and ho's Oh My! Lewis expressed that he did not fear any back lash at all to his seeing me.

He then asked if I would join his family for Thanksgiving, but I declined. I had my own friends coming over and I was going to cook. I wasn't really ready to be thrown into full on family at that point either. I also would be taking left overs to my aging parents the day after Thanksgiving, so it wouldn't all work out. We parted ways before opening a second bottle of wine, but he first wanted to know if I would make it out to the lake at all that weekend. I said I could late Saturday afternoon.

It was refreshing to a mature man, though I wondered why he was nervous about our conversation.

I wasn't quite prepared for what would happen next.